


Blind Date

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im black hill trash</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clint and Natasha were eating lunch. Clint was glaring at her over his sandwich.

"What?" She demanded.

Clint put down his sandwich. "You're lonely." He declared.

Natasha shook her head. "I'm not."

"You are." He insisted petulantly. "You might not see it, but I do."

"I am not lonely." Natasha hissed. She didn't mean for it to come out so harshly. She wasn't exactly lonely. She had a massive crush, though. She couldn't get Maria Hill out of her head, however much she told herself it didn't matter. The Black Widow didn't have _crushes_.

Clint sighed. "I'm not giving up."

"Yes, you are." Natasha retorted. She got up and left, leaving Clint alone. 

She wandered through the halls, not really sure where to go. She knew by now she had somewhere to be, lunch had almost been over by the time she abruptly left. Suddenly, someone appeared in the hallway adjacent to the one she was currently in. She saw her briefly. It was Maria Hill. "Shit." She muttered. "Shit shit shit shit shit." She almost crashed into the wall and cried out, losing her balance, which resulted in an epically undignified fall to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Maria asked. Natasha's eyes widened. She didn't trust herself to say anything. She breathed heavily, staring at Maria with vibrant green eyes. 

"Natasha?" Maria said. The woman held out her hand to help Natasha up- _holy shit she would get to hold Maria Hill's hand_ \- and smiled. Natasha took the outstretched hand and stood up.

"I'm okay." Natasha muttered.

Maria raised her eyebrows. "I really don't think you are."

Shit. What happened? Shouldn't she know? "Um." Was all Natasha said.

Maria laughed. Natasha liked the sound of Maria's laugh. "Looks like you landed on your foot badly."

Only then did Natasha realize there was a throbbing pain in her ankle. "Shit. Right. I think it's just sprained."

"You should get that checked out. It looks pretty bad." Maria replied. She said it like a challenge. Natasha almost wanted to say, 'I'm the Black Widow, a twisted ankle can't stop me,' but it was Maria and all of Natasha's will was crumbled because of her.

"I guess I'll go." She began limping in the direction of the medical wing. Maria sighed and said, "Lean on me." Natasha obliged happily. She wouldn't turn away the chance to lean on goddamn _Maria Hill_.

"I didn't think the Black Widow was one for tripping." Maria said lightly.

Natasha's throat went dry. What did you say to that? "I... I got distracted."

"Really?" Maria replied, grinning. "By what?" 

Natasha inhaled sharply. "I... um- I don't know." God, she wasn't supposed to collapse into a mess when she was around Maria Hill. She was supposed to be smooth and _normal_ for God's sake.

Maria sighed. "How uncharacteristic." Noticing the surprised and slightly frightened look on Natasha's face, she added, "I'm only joking."

They reached the medical wing. "I'll leave you here, then." Maria said. 

"I guess so." Natasha said. Her voice was distinctly uneven. 

The doctors told her she had a broken ankle, and would be on crutches for a month. Damn it. 

Clint entered her room.

"Damn it, Tasha. I got you a date and you break your ankle. How does a master assassin fucking break her ankle?" He cried.

Natasha shrugged. "Who was the date?"

Clint grinned triumphantly. "You are lonely."

"No!" Natasha cried. "I mean. There is someone." She muttered.

"Oh?" Clint said. "Well, you know, I can send her to your apartment. Saturday night. She won't mind. I think you'll like her. It's a surprise who it is."

Natasha groaned. "Tell her no." 

Clint shrugged. "Maybe." 

Natasha sighed. She would make plans for Saturday night that didn't include her apartment, so whoever Clint insisted on bringing would be put off.

"Go, Clinton. I'm supposed to be sleeping." She murmured.

***

"Oh my god, Natasha. Are you okay? What's wrong?" The voice belonged to Maria Hill who had _taken the time to visit her hospital room_.

Natasha smiled weakly. "It's broken and I'm fine and I'll be up on crutches in a few hours."

"How long will you be on crutches?" Maria asked. 

"A month." Natasha sighed. A month doing nothing sucked, but a month doing nothing with crutches was hell. "And then it'll be another month before I can do missions and stuff."

Maria frowned. "Sorry."

"For what?" 

"I don't know. I'm sorry you're on crutches for a month and idle for two." Maria said with a shrug.

Suddenly, Natasha blurted out, "Want to come over, Saturday night?"

Maria grinned, but then the grin faltered. "I- I have plans Saturday night. I've got a date."

Natasha pinched herself. "I'm sorry, that just came out."

Maria shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I- It's not that..." she trailed off awkwardly. "I should go."

Maria was gone.

"Are you okay?" A nurse asked. "Your heart rate spiked."

Whoops. "I'm fine."

As soon as everyone was out of earshot, she shouted, "Holy fucking fuckety fucker fuck shit fuck!"

"Language!" Someone else shouted. Damn it.

The person entered the room. It was Clint.

"Clinton Francis Barton, leave me alone." Natasha growled.

Clint rolled his eyes. "What's wrong."

Natasha closed her eyes. "Everything." She was on crutches for a month and her huge crush had a date. 

"You gonna tell me?" Clint asked.

"No." She muttered. She was not leaving her apartment on Saturday, which she realuzed was tomorrow, so the girl that Clint picked would be seeing her. Maybe Natasha would like her. If she was honest with herself, all this girl would do is serve as a distraction.

He shrugged. "Okay."

***

Time passed agonizingly slowly. She hobbled around, avoiding Maria, or anyone Maria might talk to. She tried to avoid everyone, really. They would ask her what happened, which was not a question she felt like answering.

Once, she bumped into Steve.

"What happened?" He asked.

Natasha stared at him. "I fell. Nothing will be okay ever again." That last part had come out unintentionally, which was a sign that there was defintely something horribly wrong with her.

"Alright." Steve said. "What happened?"

Natasha blanched. "Nothing happed that you should be aware of."

After that, she locked herself in the bathroom until she could go home.

***

Saturday rolled around. Natasha had limited movement and limited clothing options. She decided to wear the only dress she owned, a blue sundress she'd bought with the intention of wearing it to some party or other she'd ended up not going to. 

There was a knock on the door. "Hey!" Clint called.

"Come in, Clinton. You have a key."

Natasha lay unappealingly across her couch. She almost didn't notice when Clint entered the room.

She turned to see him with- Maria?

"Holy fucking shit fuck." Natasha muttered. Maria was breathtakingly beautiful. She wore a simple red dress that was tight in all the right places and _wait what Maria did not wear dresses ever_.

"Natasha?" Maria gasped.

"Goddamn it Clinton." She cried. "If you had just told me who you were bringing you could have saved me a lot of pain."

"Bye, Tasha!" Clint called. He left.

Maria sat down on the edge of the couch. "Well."

"Sit down properly." Natasha said, sitting up. She ignored the flare of pain in her ankle as she shifted. The cast was awkward to have attached to her.

Maria sighed. "This is... very..."

"I know what you mean." Natasha replied. Maria smiled in relief.

"If I had known yesterday, then..." She trailed off again.

Natasha grinned. "Good to know. Netflix?"

"Sure. I have been informed that I talk through movies, though." Maria replied.

"Me too." Natasha said. "What movie? Wait, no, we're watching Finding Nemo."

"A classic."

"Exactly!"

***

Halfway through the movie, Natasha sighed. "I'm not particularly fond of water at this time."

"Why not?" Maria asked.

Natasha shrugged. "I can't shower with this stupid fucking cast."

Maria grinned mischieviously. "I can help you."

"Very forward." Natasha paused. "...I like it. I will soon take you up on that offer."

Maria chuckled. "You're pretty forward yourself, you know."

"I know. We'd be in very different positions if this goddamn ankle wasn't so shitty." Natasha said with a sparkle in her eye.

 Maria laughed. "I see."

"Well," Natasha said quietly, "seeing as I will make sure you're here a lot, you should get to know the place. The kitchen. There's chips in the pantry and you are going to go get some."

"Oh my god, Natasha." Maria rolled her eyes but obliged. "They better be salt and vinegar!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im black hill trash

"Maria! Can you get the Cheerios? I'm hungry." Natasha called.

"Okay!" Maria replied.

Clint was alarmed. "I did not get you a slave, I got you a date! Why does she know where everything is? I don't know where everything is!"

Natasha shrugged. "She had to to everything before I got off the crutches."

"Even showering?" Clint blurted out. He seemed to be unhappy that he'd said it out loud.

She grinned. " _Especially_ showering."

"Why did I have to ask?" He muttered to himself.

"Cheerios." Maria announced.

Clint frowned. "No milk?"

Natasha nodded. "No soggy cheerios in this apartment."

***

"You have been off crutches a week! I will not have this!" Maria shouted. She had seen Natasha in the training room.

Natasha sighed. "I'm so bored, Maria."

She rolled her eyes. "Wouldn't you have learned to deal with boredom by now, Nat?"

"No." Natasha said with a shrug. "Did you know that boredom is an anagram of bedroom, which is where we should be."

"I'm on duty, Nat." Maria said, shaking her head. "Get out of here." She added, "Bedroom later."

"Good enough." Natasha said after a moment's pause. She followed Maria out. "What else am I supposed to do? I can't do anything for a few weeks."

"Go get yourself something nice." Maria said. "I'm taking you out tonight."

"Like what?"

"Like a dress." There was a mischievous pause. "Possibly some lingerie." 

***

"What's wrong?" Natasha demanded. Maria arrived at her apartment later than usual. She looked tired and grumpy.

"Nothing." The other woman muttered. "Change of plans. We aren't going out tonight."

Natasha frowned. "I said no soggy cheerios in my apartment! You are being a soggy cheerio!"

Maria rolled her eyes. "I have so much stuff to do. I have a ton of paperwork and they are sending me on a mission."

Natasha gaped. "I wish I could go on a mission. The paperwork would be worth it. Why don't you want to go?" Maria's eyes were soft and resigned. Natasha narrowed her eyes. "It's me, isn't it."

Maria didn't say anything, and just sighed.

"Maria!" Natasha cried. "Don't let me get in the way! I can take care of myself!" 

Maria shrugged. "I know. I can't help it. I just care."

"That's sort of sweet. I'm not sure if I like it." Natasha said quietly. "I like it, but I don't like that it's getting in the way." She clarified. "Just go on the mission, Mar."

Maria closed her eyes. "I'll go."

"And you'll enjoy it."

"I will go on this mission and I'll enjoy it."

"Yes, you will."

Maria leaned on her. The worn couch creaked under them. "There are other ways to make this couch creak." Natasha murmured.

Maria rolled her eyes. "I've got so much work to do. I can't."

"What about the bed?" Natasha pressed.

"Fine." Maria conceded. "I'll come back later, _after_ I'm done my work."

"And then I'll work on you." Natasha said.

"Dear god."

"You know you like my cheesey lines."

"At least you haven't started with the pick up lines."

"Good idea."

"Why did I have to say it?"

Natasha grinned. "Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants."

Maria sighed. "Do you have anything? Like, wine? Or preferably whiskey?"

Natasha laughed. "I thought you had to work."

Maria frowned. "Shit. Have it ready for later."

***

"You're drunk and naked, why do you want to go out?" Maria sighed. Natasha was curled up against her, flat out drunk. She wanted to go get food. Maria herself was a little more coherent.

"Maria?" Natasha whispered. 

"Yeah?"

"If you go on the mission," her voice was slightly slurred, "I'm gonna miss you."

Maria smiled softly. "I'm gonna miss you, too."

"Don't die."

Maria was pretty sure that this was drunk Natasha's way of saying 'be careful.' "I'm not going to die, Nat."

"You better not." Her voice was quiet. She was about to fall asleep. "You better come back to me." She fell asleep.

***

"Maria?" Natasha was tangled in the blankets. Maria walked over to the bed with coffee.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" Maria asked. Natasha sipped the coffee, smiling gratefully.

"I remember having really good sex. And I was drunk. Did I say someting I am going to regret?" She replied.

Maria paused. Should she tell Natasha was she confessed last night? She should. "You said that... you'll miss me when I'm on the mission. And you told me not to die. You told me I had to come back."

Natasha's mouth turned into a thin line. "Did I say that?"

Maria looked away. "Yeah. Did you mean it?"

"Of course. I just... I usually don't say things... like that." She replied. She hugged the comforter close.

Maria sighed. "Do you want your clothes?"

Natasha grinned. "They seem to be either lost or ripped. I wonder how that happened." She said with a mischievous glint in her eye. She set the coffee aside.

Maria offered. "Drink your coffee. Good luck staying awake all day."

"I can function on minimal sleep!" She protested. 

"You're hungover." Maria reminded her. "And last night was not just _minimal sleep._ And-"

"I'm fine." Natasha insisted.

Maria rolled her eyes. "And I bet your ankle hurts." She finished. Natasha wouldn't meet her eyes. "So, drink your coffee."

"Alright." Natasha said. "Do you want breakfast? I'll make some in a minute."

Maria waited in the kitchen, sipping her coffee. She was wearing one of Natasha's loose shirts, and was only half surprised when Natasha came out wearing Maria's clothes.

"What do you want?" Natasha asked.

"Soggy cheerios." Natasha rolled her eyes at that. "Kidding. French toast."

***

"NATASHA ROMANOFF." Clint shouted.

"CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON." Natasha shouted in reply.

He frowned. "You're late. Maria's late."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "It's happened many times before."

"Yeah, but it's different today." Clint insisted.

She sighed. "You are not investigating my sex life." She was unsettled, though. What Maria told her she had said when she was drunk was bothering her. Now that she thought about it, she didn't want Maria to go. Perhaps she had wanted her to go because she wanted to live vicariously through her.

"Fine, Tasha." He left the topic alone after that.

"Clint?" She said after a long silence.

Clint looke at her. "Yeah?"

"What do you do if..." she struggled to find the right word. "What do you do if... someone you love... is going to be in danger? If it's necessary?"

Clint narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Maria's going on a mission, isn't she?"

Natasha nodded.

"Let her go. I know it's hard to be away from people you love for long." He replied. The silence grew.

"I want her to be safe. What if she gets hurt? I was the one holding her back, and I told her to go, so it will be my fault." Natasha said after a while. 

Clint narrowed his eyes. "You are wearing Maria's clothes."

She shrugged. "I know." 

Clint raised his eyebrows. "You're hanging on to her."

"I want her to go!" Natasha cried. "She has to go!"

"You want her to go, but you don't want her to leave you here. You want to go with her." He said. "Or maybe you don't want her to get into a dangerous situation before you can do something to help her." Sometimes she wondered how Clint knew her so well.

"So what do I do?"

"Whatever you want."

***

"Maria?"

"Yeah, Nat?"

They were lying side by side in bed. Natasha cradled Maria's cheek in her hand. "Do you want to go on the mission?"

Maria didn't answer for a long time. "I want to do what makes _you_ happy."

"What about yourself? Don't you want to be happy?" Natasha whispered.

Maria closed her eyes. "I want to go. Do you want me to?"

Natasha sighed. "I want to go with you, but I can't. I want you to be safe and I can't be sure of that unless I go."

"I'll go," Maria said, "and I promise I'll come home. For you."

"I love you, Mar." Natasha murmured almost inaudibly.

"I love you, too, Nat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not planning on continuing this, but I might if you guys want me to, just leave a comment! (Also tell me prompts I can't get enough of prompts)


	3. Chapter 3

_"Don't do anything stupid, Maria." Natasha whispered._

_Maria smiled sadly. "Look who's talking."_

That had been the last exchange between them, one month six days ago. Maria's mission was supposed to take a month, and Natasha had been counting on that. Now she was back to her full abilities after that godforsaken broken ankle, but she really wanted Maria back to celebrate it.

The good news was they still had communications with her. She was helping take out a Hydra base. Some wondered if she was capable, but they were usually unconcious when Natasha was done with them.

Natasha was training all the time, and when she wasn't training, she was in the communications room, straining to hear Maria's voice. She didn't like this feeling of loneliness she had when Maria was gone. She missed Maria, and everyone knew it. 

One day, Fury approached her.

"Agent Romanoff?" He look reluctant.

Natasha narrowed her eyes. Something was wrong. "Yes?"

He hesitated, and sighed. "We've lost communications with Agent Hill."

She blanched. She, apparently, wasn't going to hear from Maria for a while longer.

"And," he continued, "her location is unknown. She's MIA."

Natasha looked away. "I should be out there with her." She whispered fiercely. She had let Maria go, she should be the one to bring her back.

"I don't know." Fury said. "Your emotions could get in the way."

Natasha raised her eyebrows. "How? I want to rescue her. My _emotions_ would only help with that, no?"

Fury shrugged exasperatedly. "I don't know, Romanoff. We'll see." He turned his back and walked away, leaving Natasha alone. 

Maria was missing in action? Natasha reassured herself, just because her communications are down and we don't know her location, that doesn't mean she's dead. _She is, however, probably in grave danger._  

Later, Fury told her that they'd give Maria two weeks before they sent out a team.

The worst part was that Steve and Clint, the others on the mission, still had everything going smooth. They had no clue on the whereabouts of Maria, either.

"I knew we should've sent someone more experience." Natasha heard someone mutter. She wasn't sure who they were, but she had them pinned up against the wall.

" _What did you say?_ " She whispered. The man's eyes widened.

"Never mind. It... uh..." he faltered. "She's fine."

Natasha resisted the urge to snap his neck, and settled with knocking him out. He crumpled to the floor. 

"That was a little harsh." Someone accused. It was Tony.

Natasha rounded on him. "Was it?"

He nodded. "He said something bad, that's it."

She stepped closed. "He said something bad about Maria." She considered ripping the Arc Reactor right out of his goddamn chest.

"I see." He said quietly. "You know, violence is never the answer." Was he trying to push her buttons?

"You know what, fuck you." She whispered. "Why are you doing this?"

Tony paused, as if choosing his words carefully. "You have to get used to this, Natasha."

"You mean just stand back and take it?" She cried. "No." She stormed out, leaving Tony staring after her.

Maybe Tony was right. She couldn't freak out every time something went wrong. Still, she couldn't calm down. Maria was most definitely not okay.

***

The two weeks passed agonizingly slowly, and Maria still did not return. There were two days until Fury sent out a team, which he hadn't even confirmed Natasha was on. She was going crazy here, alone and bored. She could be out there with Maria, helping her return. Making sure she was alive. She'd promised to come back, and she wasn't making good on it so far.

"Natasha, you aren't going out to rescue Hill." Fury announced.

"What?" She cried. "Why not?"

Fury sighed. "You are not in the mental state to do so. Your... feelings for Maria may cause you to do something irrational which could jeopardize the mission."

Steve and Clint had both stayed out in the field, looking for Maria with no luck. They were on their way back now so Fury's team could take over. "I have to go!" She hissed. "I have to."

"No." Fury said.

***

Maria was trapped with Hydra. Most of the actual were either dead or they had escaped, but some of the ones who escaped had taken her with them. She was gagged and tied up, and she was fairly sure her communications were down and no one knew her location. They were in a van, driving through the desert. She was pretty sure that vans were not supposed to go through deserts.

Suddenly, she heard helicopter blades whirring. She allowed herself to hope it was someone coming back for her.

The van sped up after several people jumped out, presumably to try and take down the helicopter. Someone wrenched the door open. Iron Man lifted her out into the helicopter, where she got untied.

Where was Natasha? Natasha would have wanted to come, but did they let her?

She looked out of the helicopter to see an awful rescue team. It was a couple of SHIELD agents with Stark and Thor. they were doing well, but this was Natasha's kind of thing.

Maria wondered what Natasha was doing now. Hopefully nothing stupid. Probably something stupid.

She fell asleep.

***

Maria awoke in the hospital. She didn't have any major injuries, she suspected they were just making sure she was okay. The doctor gave her the all clear and let her go. 

She was fine, except for some minor cuts amd bruises and she was aching all over. It had happened before, it was no big deal.

She saw a nurse hurrying past and asked, "Do you know where Natasha is?" The nurse pointed to a hospital room. This wasn't good.

Natasha was lying on the bed, looking half-dead. She sat up when she saw Maria.

"What happened?" Maria demanded, sitting beside her.

Natasha shrugged. "I may or may not have got alcohol poisoning."

"Natasha!" She hissed. "I'm not letting you drink for a long time."

Natasha shrugged. "I was lonely and you were missing."

Maria realized with a start what it had been doing to Natasha in the time she was missing. She'd been worried about Maria from the start. "Sorry." She murmured.

"Don't be. 'S not your fault." Natasha replied, leaning her head on Maria's shoulder. "Fury wouldn't let me go with them to get you. Said my emotions would get in the way."

"He should've let you." Maria said. "That was an awful rescue team."

"Yeah. It was." Natasha kissed her. Maria pulled the smaller woman onto her lap, deepening the kiss. 

There was a knock. 

"I don't mean to interrupt, but Agent Hill, you're needed." Fury said.

Natasha sighed and moved, flopping down on the hospital bed. Maria stood up and glnaced regretfully back at her, mouthing, _to be continued_. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on doing this not AOU-compliant but if I'm putting barton's family in this one why not include all of them in some later chapters

Natasha frowned. "Maria, have I ever taken you to Barton's farm?"

Maria shook her head. "No. Why?"

Natasha shrugged. "You should meet his family."

"Sure."

"Great, I was going to bring you anyway."

***

"Laura, this is Maria." Natasha announced.

Laura smiled. "Hi, Maria. I've heard all about you."

Maria raised her eyebrows. "What?"

Laura laughed. "I thought you knew by now. Well, Clint made it his life's mission to get you two together. I see that he succeeded." She paused and added, "Also, Nat doesn't shut up about you."

Natasha narrowed her eyes. "I trusted you, Laura."

Laura rolled her eyes. "It's true. The kids want to see you two, by the way."

Clint entered the room, carrying Nathaniel and followed by Lila and Cooper. "Auntie Nat!" Cooper shrieked, charging over.

"Is this _her_?" Lila whispered, staring up at Maria.

Natasha nodded. "That's her."

"She's pretty." Cooper said matter-of-factly.

Natasha grinned. "Yeah, she is." Maria smiled awkwardly. Noticing this, Natasha whispered, "Did you know that Maria _really likes hugs?_ "

Cooper and Lila responded immediately, clutching Maria, who embraced the children. 

Laura frowned. "Does she like kids?" She murmured to Natasha.

Natasha smiled. "Yeah, she just takes a bit to get used to them." Already, Maria was smiling and talking quietly with the children. "They like her."

"They had high expectations from all that stuff you said about her." Laura said thoughtfully. "It appears she was more than they hoped for."

"Do I really talk that much about her?" Natasha asked doubtfully.

Laura stared at her. "Yeah. You do."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "What do they want?" She asked, gesturing toward the kids, who were tugging at Maria's shirt.

"Oh," Laura said, "they probably want to show her the trampoline. We got a trampoline."

Natasha grinned. "I want to see it. Let's go."

Laura led them into the huge backyard. The kids ran toward the trampoline, clambering onto it. They bounced while the women (plus Clint and Nathaniel) watched.

"You go on it!" Cooper cried. He and Lila got off, staring expectantly at Natasha and Maria. They hesitantly climbed on. 

Natasha frowned. "I've only been on one of these for training."

"Me, too." Maria said. Natasha began jumping up and down experimentally. 

"Do flips!" Lila shouted. Natasha obliged. The children shrieked with delight. Natasha bowed, and promptly fell down. Maria stared down at her as she flailed. 

"Help me!" She hissed. Maria shook her head, laughing. "Alright, then." Natasha muttered. She knocked Maria's legs from under her. Maria fell as well.

"Hey!" 

Natasha kissed her before standing up again, jumping over Maria before she could pull her down again.

"I am going to kill you." Maria whispered, getting up.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and whispered in her ear, "I'll make it up to you tonight."

Maria smiled. "You better."

"Come on, let's get lunch." Laura said. 

***

Laura yawned. It had been a long day. She was going to go straight to sleep, but Lila wanted to ask her something. She walked silently into her daughter's room, careful not to wake Cooper or Nate up.

"Lila, what did you want to ask me, sweetie?"

Lila looked up at her. "Today, on the trampoline, Auntie Nat said 'I'll make it up to you tonight,' to Maria. What does that mean?"

Ugh, Laura was going to kill Natasha. "It doesn't mean anything, Auntie Nat was just being silly."

She was going to talk to those to and would not be surprised if she interrupted something intimate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got back from a long ass wedding and I was hoping to at least hear something interesting to inspire something for this fic but the whole night was futile. Well, I did get one line...

Natasha was at one of Stark's parties with Maria, and everyone was drunk, except them. Maria still would not let Natasha drink after she'd gotten alcohol poisoning. Maria hadn't drunk anything either so Natasha wouldn't be as mad.

Thor had brought his Asgardian stuff, so even Steve, who did not get drunk, got drunk, if only a little.

Right now, Tony was shouting at Thor. He held a steak knife like a dagger and shouted, "I will eat you!"*

"Ladies, ladies, calm down." Clint slurred. 

Maria rolled her eyes. "They're so weird when they're drunk."

Natasha shrugged. "Everyone is. Maria, please let me have _something_? Anything?"

Maria shook her head. "Nope. Plus, someone has to keep these guys in check."

"There's so many people here to do that!" It was true. Tony had invited many, many people. Natasha didn't know it was possible to know that many people.

"Do you think they'll do anything but post it on youtube?" Maria retorted with a sigh.

"Whatever. If we aren't doing anything here, let's go somewhere else?" Natasha whispered.

Maria smiled. "Where shall we go?"

"Ah. I think... the rec room. No one goes in the rec room." She said, raising her eyebrows mischievously.

Maria shrugged. "Alright." Natasha kissed her, catching her off guard. "If we keep going like this, we won't make it to the rec room."

They did reach the rec room. Natasha pushed her up against the wall, peppering kisses along her collarbone. Maria's breath hitched and she and felt for the zipper at the back of Natasha's dress.

"I know I'm interrupting something," someone said, "but you two are the only sober ones here, so help. There's maybe a terrorist? Or not- and-" hiccup- "this isn't what you should be doing."

"Isn't it?" Natasha muttered. The person was Steve, who was pretty funny drunk. She doubted it would last long, though. 

Maria was concentrated on other things. "Terrorist?"

Steve nodded slowly. "There was an explosion. Didn't y-you hear?"

"We were distracted. Let's go." Natasha zipped her dress back up and did her best to tame her tousled hair as they walked. 

A man wearing a mask had a gun in his hand, pointing it at anyone who moved. She wondered how drunk Steve got out. Natasha crept silently toward the man while his back was turned. He had no chance against her.

At the last moment, he turned around. She ducked out of the way of a shower of bullets. There was a huff of pain that sounded distictly like Maria, but Natasha was too concentrated now. In a quick series of practiced movements, she had him in a headlock. She wasn't going to kill him, but what to do?

"Fury, we've got some criminal here, he's tied up. Come get him as soon as you can." Maria left the voicemail, wincing. A bullet had grazed her arm. It wasn't bad, though, and she didn't want to leave just yet. There were bandages somewhere, there always were. She was patched up in no time.

"Now, where were we?" Natasha murmured. Maria opened her mouth to reply, but an extremely drunk Clint interrupted them.

"No way, guys." He dragged out his words. "You gotta stay here."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"What if there are more criminals?" He whispered drunkenly.

Maria leaned in and whispered, "There won't be."

A woman barged into the room. Maria hurried over to explain, occasionally pointing at various people. Clint watched the woman with Maria with interest, for some reason. 

"I have never seen her before." Clint hissed as if it was the strangest, unlikeliest thing to ever happen. 

Natasha laughed and Maria returned. 

"Hey Clint, how much are you willing to bet in a game of pool?" Natasha asked.

The drunk Clint's eyes widened. "A lot." Natasha felt a pang of guilt for taking advantage of him. It was gone in a flash. He wouldn't remember what happened to his money in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *That happened at the wedding. My cousin held his knife and said, "I will eat you!" No one got stabbed or eaten, though.


	6. Chapter 6

Maria learned that Natasha sang horribly.

Natasha had been having a pretty good day, and came home in an elated mood.

 _Home_. It was strange to think that they shared a home now. Natasha had recently moved into Maria's (much bigger and nicer) apartment.

Anyway, Natasha turned on the radio. The radio was old and gathering dust and Maria had completely forgotten it existed.

"If we're talking body," she sang, "you've got a perfect one, so put it on me!" She took Maria's hand and danced around the room as she sang. Her dancing was exceptionally better than the singing.

Maria rolled her eyes. Clint, who was visiting, plugged his ears.

Maria sighed. "Where would we be if you'd acted like this the first time I came over?"

Natasha laughed. "I don't know. You know, I've been curious: how did Clint get you on a blind date?"

Clint grinned widely. "I want to tell her."

Maria narrowed her eyes. "No."

"Tell me!"

"Alright."

Maria recalled the experience.

***

_Maria was walking down the hallway, carrying a stack of papers. She had to get to a meeting with Fury, and she was making good time._

_"Maria!" Clint ambushed her._

_She rolled her eyes. "I've got somewhere to be, Barton. Go away."_

_"Yeah, no." Clint persisted. "Remember how you owe me a favour?"_

_"Oh god. What do you want?" She sighed._

_Clint grinned. "Well, my friend is really lonely and she needs a date and you'll really like her!"_

_Maria shook her head. "I'm doing a favour for you, not your friend. Dates are out of the question."_

_Clint pouted. "C'mon, Hill. Think of it like this: I'm cashing in a favour that the Deputy Director of SHIELD owes me for my friend. Not me, my friend. How selfless of me, right?" He said hopefully._

_Maria raised an eyebrow. "Is it really selfless if the person doing it knows it and uses that fact to try and manipulate the deputy director of SHIELD?"_

_Clint shook his head. "Nope, that changes nothing."_

_Maria rolled her eyes. "Maybe. Who is she?"_

_"It's a surprise. She might die of shock or something if I tell her, so I can't ruin it." He replied._

_"Dear god, Barton. Fine, I'll do it. Saturday night. Can I go now?" She conceded._

_He nodded. "Yeah, you're free to leave."_

_Maria glowered. "Don't push it, Barton."_

_Clint shivered. "Okay."_

_Maria tucked her papers in order and continued down the hallway. Only then did it hit her what she'd agreed to._

***

"That was a surprisingly long and pleasantly detailed story." Natasha declared.

"Are you done?" Maria sighed.

Natasha thought for a moment. "How did you end up owing Clinton a favour?"

"I'm telling this one." Clint cried.

*** 

_It was midnight, and Clint was walking boredly down the empty hallways._

_There was a groan coming from one of the offices. It sounded like there was a person in pain. He opened the door quietly, trying not to startle the person._

_Maria was hunched over in her chair, the stack of paperwork forgotten. Her face was contorted in pain. She was desperate-_

***

"Hey!" Cried Maria. "That is not what happened."

"Fine." Clint sighed.

_***_

_Maria was hunched over in her chair, the stack of paperwork forgotten. Her face was contorted into a grimace._

_Clint frowned. "...Are you alright?"_

_She scowled. "Fine enough. Hey, could you do me a favour?"_

_"Yeah."_

_She smiled. Sort of. "Can you go to the store and get Midol?"_

_Ah. He understood now. "Sure."_

_"Thanks, Barton. I owe you one."_

_***_

"And that is how Deputy Director Hill found herself indebted to the lowly Hawkeye." He finished.

"Okay." Natasha said. She though for a moment. "Hey Clint, did we ever tell you how that first date went?"

He frowned. "No. I bugged you for days and you said nothing and then I realized that you might have done things I'd rather not hear about."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "No, dumbass. I had a cast on my leg and I couldn't get anywhere without crutches. But there was one interesting event I'm sure you'd like to hear about. Remember how she had a minor concussion?"

Maria groaned. "No, please don't tell this story. Anything but this."

Clint leaned in. "Tell me everything."

"Well, at first, I'd like to clarify that I was not drunk in this story because if I was, I'd probably have snapped my _already broken_ ankle clean off." Natasha began.

***

_Maria was a little tipsy. Not that much, but a little. So Natasha wasn't all that surprised when the other woman leaned on her shoulder and whispered seriously, "Let's watch Mulan."_

_So they did._

_Maria laughed at all the not funny parts, and Natasha watched with amusement._

_I'll Make a Man Out of You played, and Maria watched silently, intently. When it was over, she stood, unbalanced, on the armrest of the sofa. Natasha was helpless. She couldn'lt do anything to stop her friend with her ankle, so she watched in horror as Maria attempted the 'ninja kick' as she called it the soldiers had done at the end of I'll Make a Man Out of You. The landing was awful and she managed to hit her head on the TV stand._

_They didn't know she had a concussion until the next morning, when Maria awoke on the couch with a pounding headache. Natasha hobbled out from her bedroom and laughed, which probably didn't help. Maria scowled._

_"Will coffee make this better or worse?"_

_"Only one way to find out."_

 ***

"Never drink coffee when you have a concussion!" Maria cried. "It is really bad. Never again."

Clint was biting back laughter. "Really?"

Maria nodded regretfully. "Must I bear this cross forever?"

"Yes." Both Clint and Natasha answered at the same time.

"Ugh." She sighed. "At least don't tell anyone or I'll break your legs."

"Okaaaaay..." Clint said. Maria doubted he would keep it a secret.

She narrowed her eyes. "Hey Clint, you're on cleaning duties for a month and if you speak a word of this it's a year."

"Aw, really?" He groaned.

"Really."

Silence settled over the room.

"Get out, Clinton."

"Why?"

Natasha raised her eyebrows. "I want to test out this couch."

"Goddamnit, you two." He muttered. 


	7. Chapter 7

Maria had been hurt on a mission. She'd been stabbed, but it hadn't hit any vital organs. She did lose a lot of blood. She would be fine. Natasha was going to visit her.

The doctors informed her that Maria was high on pain meds.

Oh, this was going to be good.

Natasha entered the room slowly to see a tired-looking Maria lying down on the hospital bed. She approached her and the other woman looked over with wide eyes.

"Natasha?" Her speech was slower and a little slurred.

Natasha grinned. "Yeah. I'm here."

"Natasha." Maria's breathing was heavy. "I don't feel fine."

"That's because you're high." Natasha replied, biting back a laugh.

Maria stared intently at her. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Maria noticed the bandages on her side. "What happened?"

"You lost a lot of blood. Don't move too much." Natasha replied.

"Okay." Maria paused. "Why... why is your hair red? It's so pretty."

Natasha couldn't stop herself from letting out a snicker. "I don't know why it's red. Why is your hair brown?"

Maria shrugged. "I dunno. Remember a while ago-" she yawned and waited a few moments before continuing, "when you said, 'is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants.'"

Natasha nodded.

"Well, I had a dream. And there was a mirror in my pocket!" Maria burst out laughing. There was a goofy grin plastered on her face. Natasha laughed, too, mostly at Maria.

"I had a dream last night," Natasha said, "and you were a duck." It was true, at least. She'd woken up to see a duck beside her in bed instead of Maria. She'd taken a while to realize it was Maria. And even longer to realize it was a dream. She couldn't wait to hear what this high version of Maria thought of it.

Maria stared at her seriously. "I _am_ a duck." She said solemnly.

"Okay, duck." Natasha said, rolling her eyes.

"If I'm a duck, what are you?"

"I'm a Natasha Romanoff."

Maria narrowed her eyes. "No, that is _boring_."

Natasha smiled. "Okay, Duck."

"Why are you calling me duck?" She demanded.

Natasha raised her eyebrows. "You told me you are a duck."

Maria thought for a moment. "I did. I'm tired, Nat."

"Then sleep."

"I don't slant to weep." She replied.

Natasha sighed. "What?"

Maria was giggling to herself. "I don't slant to weep. I don't want to sleep."

"I see."

Maria sat up. "Come 'ere." She commanded, arms outstretched.

Natasha sighed fondly and obliged. Maria wrapped her arms around her and leaned her head on her shoulder. "Cutie." She muttered. Natasha glanced over in surprise.

Maria blinked. "Cutie. You're a cutie. You got cute red hair and cute green eyes and a cute lil face." 

"You're cute too." _Especially when you're high_.

Maria smiled crookedly. "I am cute."

"No, you're a duck, Duck." Natasha replied.

"Maybe I was lying about that." She whispered.

Natasha pursed her lips. She wasn't letting go of this nickname. "Nope, you're still Duck."

"Okay. What do I call you?" Maria murmured.

"Nat."

"That's so boring, Natasha Romanoff."

"Then think of it like Gnat, the little bug." Natasha replied.

Maria snickered. "Okay, Gnat. Little bug."

Natasha rolled her eyes. Maria wouldn't remember this later. 

"Hey Gnat." Maria said.

"What, Duck?"

"Did you know that you have a girlfriend?" Maria whispered.

Natasha gasped, feigning surprise. "Who is she?"

Maria smiled that goofy smile again. "It's _me_." She planted a sloppy kiss on Natasha's cheek. "I'm actually in love with you."

"Wow." Natasha kissed Maria on the lips for a moment. Maria looked dazed when Natasha pulled away.

She stared at Natasha with unblinking eyes. "Did you know that I am kind of high?"

Natasha sighed. "I know. You're acting kinda weird because of it."

Maria scoffed. "I'm always like this."

"Wouldn't that be great?"

***

"How bad was I?" Maria demanded. She woke up after a few hours of sleep and knew immediately she'd said some strange things from the look on Natasha's face.

Natasha smiled. "You were hilarious, Duck."

Maria ducked instinctively before she realized Natasha was calling her 'duck'. "Oh god."

"I told you I had a dream where you were a duck, and you told me that you are a duck." Natasha explained. "You also didn't slant to weep."

"Anything else?"

"You asked me if I knew that I had a girlfriend, then you told me it's you." She paused. "And that you love me."

Maria laughed. "That is all true. But you know, I'm not a duck."

"Maybe you are, you never know."

"I'm not a duck. Ducks can't kiss people." She kissed Natasha fiercely, leaving her out of breath and dazed. Maria grinned. "You know, we could be doing something very different. But I have a stab wound."

"Stab wounds are, on occasion, known to be debilitating."

"Shut up, you."

"Okay then, Duck."


End file.
